Show 84 – Everyone’s needs matter

Cathy Bucher and Wendy McDonnell discuss why our needs matter and moving toward win-win.


What are needs? How are they different from wants and strategies? How can everyone’s needs matter? Aren’t some people’s needs more urgent or more important? Meeting everyone’s needs seems quite impossible to do all the time. Can we do that?


From the article, Compassionate Connection: Nonviolent Communication with Children by Inbal Kashtan “Nonviolent Communication (NVC), shares two key premises with attachment parenting: Human actions are motivated by attempts to meet needs, and trusting relationships are built through attentiveness to those needs…Instead of focusing on authority and discipline, attachment parenting and NVC provide theoretical and practical grounds for nurturing compassionate, powerful, and creative children who will have resources to contribute to a peaceful society…NVC,…shifts attention away from judgments about our own and others’ actions (as manipulative, wrong, bad, inappropriate – or even good), focusing instead on our own and others’ feelings and needs…Every interaction we have with our children contains messages about who they are, who we are, and what life is like. The parent who takes a toy away from a toddler who just took it from another child while saying: “No grabbing,” teaches her child that grabbing is okay – for those with more power. The parent who unilaterally imposes a curfew implies that his teenager can’t be trusted to make thoughtful decisions about his life. Instead, in both words and actions, a parent could convey three key things: I want to understand the needs that led to your actions, I want to express to you the feelings and needs that led to mine, and I want to find strategies that will meet both of our needs.” (two links: and,0)


Living by Consent: The Life Learning Mystery Tour by Jan Fortune-Wood from Life Learning Magazine “We have a lot of ideas that make us fearful of people acting out of their own interests for their own self-maximizing ends, but these fears rest on some very poor assumptions. We need to reject the ideas that self-interest and morality are logical and necessary opposites or that one person getting what they want must mean that others will lose out. When we question these notions, the fear evaporates.”


Aired live: Sunday, January 8, 2012 0800-0900 Eastern Standard Time on CFRU 93.3 FM, Guelph, Ontario, Canada


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