Show #12-Divorce without war

Aired: Sunday, January 10, 2010 || 8 to 9 AM ET

I respect the courage and focus of parents who seek a secure family after divorce that values respectful communication, cooperation, and understanding. They manage to find a way to focus on taking care of their kids while resolving painful conflicts between the two of them. While many people think that divorce should be a fight to the bitter end, the results of a collaborative divorce are personalized, empowering, supportive, satisfying, and dignified.

Let’s dispel the myths:

MYTH 1 – families are “broken” if they live apart.

MYTH 2 – nobody ever wins

Collaborative Divorce and Separation is:

  • Efficient: it focuses on interests/needs and a satisfying resolution
  • Empowering: it creates a secure family environment after divorce. The kids are reassured “I’m always taken care of.” “My parents love me even though they don’t live with each other.” “I can love both my parents.” “My mom will always be my mom. My dad will always be my dad.” Parents develop a personalized plan: Parents know their family best. They identify strengths and resources so they do what works for them.
  • Effective: couples develop respectful communication skills and co-parenting strategies
  • Economical: it gets to the heart of the matter with deep empathy and non-judgmental understanding
  • it is Essentially the beginning of creating a new life for the family: Where are you going from here? What will your family look like? What will your new working relationship look like after the divorce so that your children’s needs can be met as they grow? How will you value and support your needs? What family values are important for each of you and for both of you?

In this show, we look at what it takes to do a collaborative divorce. This is an interview with: a couple who separated within the past year, a mother who has been separated for 3 years, and Wendy McDonnell.

What is a Collaborative Divorce?

1. If you work with lawyers from the beginning, lawyers and clients sign an agreement to work toward settlement and not  go to court. Some clients work with divorce coaches, therapists, financial advisors, and/or mediators and bring their parenting plans and separation agreements to a lawyer for approval.

2. Each person hires collaborative support (divorce and career coaches, financial advisors, parenting specialists, therapists, mediators).

3. Everyone agrees on full disclosure of information. Divorce is a problem to solve, not a battle to win.

About Wendy McDonnell

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