Divorce without War

I deeply respect the courage and focus of parents who create a secure family after divorce that values respectful communication, cooperation, and understanding. These parents manage to find ways to focus on taking care of their kids while resolving painful conflicts. This is not easy. While many people think that divorce should be a fight to the bitter end, the results of a collaborative divorce are personalized, empowering, supportive, satisfying, and dignified.

Myths of divorce:

MYTH 1 – families are “broken” if they live apart.

MYTH 2 – nobody ever wins

Collaborative Divorce and Separation is:

Efficient: it focuses on interests, needs, and a satisfying resolution for the whole family

Empowering: it creates a secure family environment after divorce.

The kids are reassured: “I’m taken care of.” “My parents love me even though they don’t live with each other.” “I can love both my parents.” “My mom will always be my mom. My dad will always be my dad.” “My parents are there for me.”

Parents develop a personalized and flexible plan: Parents know their family best. They identify strengths and resources so they do what works for them. How they want to parent is up to them to decide. They seek help from others as needed.

Effective: couples develop respectful communication skills and co-parenting strategies Kids see their parents resolving conflicts.

Economical: it gets to the heart of the matter, valuing needs, without dragging the divorce out in court

it is Essentially the beginning of creating a new life for the family

Where are you going from here? What will your family look like? What will your new working relationship look like after the divorce so that your children’s needs can be met as they grow? How will you value and support all your needs? How will you stay flexible? What family values are important to you? What family values are important to both of you? How will you welcome a new partner into your family? In 10, 15, or 20 years, what do you hope to see?

What is a Collaborative Divorce?

1. If you work with lawyers from the beginning, lawyers and clients sign an agreement to work toward settlement and not  go to court. Some clients work with divorce coaches, therapists, financial advisors, and/or mediators and bring their parenting plans and separation agreements to a lawyer for approval.

2. Each person hires collaborative support (divorce and career coaches, financial advisors, parenting specialists, therapists, mediators).

3. Everyone agrees on full disclosure of information. Divorce is a problem to solve, not a battle to win.

Listen to: Divorce without War on www.CFRU.ca this Sunday morning, January 10, 2010 8 to 9 AM Eastern Time.

I host a radio show Family Matters every Sunday morning. Go to http://cfrufamily.wordpress.com/upcoming-shows/ for this month’s line-up. If you’d like us to try to answer your questions on the show, please post them 24 hours before the show.

January 10, 2010: Divorce without War: Collaborative Divorce and Separation

January 17, 2010: Co-Parenting after divorce/separation with Julie Wise and Sharon Lewis

January 24, 2010: Step Families and Blended Families with Line Brunet

January 31, 2010: Family Conferencing with Todd Perreault

About Wendy McDonnell

4 Responses to “Divorce without War”

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  1. These will be great resources for blending families and even those who are on the verge of divorce.

    • Wendy says:

      Thank you for your kind remarks. I’m hoping real-life stories spark some new ideas and perspectives for those families considering or living through a divorce. If you or anyone else has specific questions (about this show or others), please feel free to ask. We’ll try to answer those on the show.

  2. Jaypee says:

    When me and my wife separated through divorce, we had no choice but to settle arrangements when it comes to co-parenting. We have 2 young kids and we don’t want them to suffer just because we needed to part ways. So me and my ex-wife are working hand in hand to take care of the kids. My wife also bought co-parenting planner/organizer from http://4help.to/parenting which really is of big help in this process. Hopefully we’ll get things flowing smoothly as planned. Thanks for sharing this! :)

    • Wendy says:

      Thanks Jaypee for your comment. I’m inspired by parents who value their kids needs that they take care of them after a separation or divorce. Divorce does not have to mean suffering.
      Coordinating schedules is hard enough with one home. It’s even harder with two homes and extended families on either parents’ side. Having a plan, a way to organize activities, and a way to communicate clearly and regularly with the other parent and the kids is very important. This is one organizational tool. I’ve met many parents who use many different strategies. I encourage parents to use what works.

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